15 Years
(If you don’t know my family’s story, you can scroll up to the initial blogpost from 2015)
June.14.2020 I cannot reflect back to this day 15 years ago without a very real awareness of what this day looks like in 2020. In less than 6 months, many things in our world have flipped upside down. Many would say that our stability as a nation has shattered under our feet. Confusion, speculation, questions have swirled around us. Many have suffered great loss- of life, jobs, livelihood, and more. Riots and lootings and cries for social justice fill our streets. And this is just a very small summary, not even scratching the surface, of this day in the year 2020. There is a storm raging. There is unrest. There is what has seemed on so many fronts like chaos reigning in our nation.
But if we can stop for a moment and just BE STILL. Do you hear it? The silence. The quieting of the waters. The winds dying down. PEACE. And it is only found one place… In understanding the truth about the One who rules the wind and the waves. In all of the swirling, whirling chaos around us, take this to heart:
Our God is sovereign. He reigns on His throne. And HE. IS. GOOD.
And this takes me back to15 years ago today. He is sovereign now and He was sovereign those many years ago (and every day before and every day since) when our world seemed to flip upside down in an instant. The past faithfulness of my God is the anchor of my confidence and hope to walk these present and future circumstances with faith and boldness.
It’s difficult to believe it has been that many years since our mom and brother went to heaven. In one sense it feels like forever, in another sense it feels like last week. And while time helps heal, even this many years later I still grieve their absence (as well as my dad’s) and hate that they are gone. Every child I’ve been blessed to birth, I’ve mourned that I can’t introduce them to my parents and brother. Every joy that I’ve experienced, I’ve mourned that I c
I recall to mind countless days in the time following the car accident that I felt convinced that I would not survive that trial. So many days it felt like the end to the grief was nowhere in sight. It felt like all the various burdens that accompanied it were too much to bear. But God was faithful.
One moment, one day at a time we walked it and I can speak for my siblings when I say that by God’s grace alone, we are all thriving.
Life has looked different for each one of us since this day 15 years ago. We have each gone through different seasons of hardship and times where our faith has been stretched. We’ve had joys and sorrows since then and we’ve wrestled with different things along the way. But through God we have done valiantly (Psalm 108:13) and to Him alone be the glory! He is faithful, friends, and we can believe His promises- He is with us through everything.
I’m impacted lately by the fact that I have to keep my eyes FIXED. Especially living in a world that is at enmity with God, it’s so easy to fall into discouragement and even hopelessness. The darkness feels so heavy sometimes and I’m reminded over and over that this is not my home. As Hebrews talks about, we long for a better country. I just love that….a better country. One that is truly FREE of every sorrow, every fear, every loss or tragedy, every sickness, every injustice, every corrupt leader, and every ugly sin of my very own heart. These past few months, the Lord has been stripping me of comforts that I didn’t even realize I was finding comfort in. He’s allowed me to feel the instability of the world in a way I’ve never felt before. And it’s terrifying. It’s terrifying without the hope that there’s something so much better than this. Jesus Christ died- He died for me and for you- so that we would be right with a holy God and have peace, and in that, securing for us a residency in this better country that awaits us. AMAZING.
If you don’t know Jesus Christ, you have to know that TODAY is the day of salvation. My mom and brother died in an instant in a car wreck. There was no “heads up”- just a normal evening, heading home on a road trip. Thankfully, my mom was saved as a young girl and faithfully followed Him the rest of her 53 years. And my brother Joel, surrendered his life to Jesus just a few months before he died.
Isaiah 55 offers what is, in my opinion, one of the most beautiful invitations to salvation. Bear with me for the length of it because it is just soooo good:
“Come, everyone who thirsts,
come to the waters;
and he who has no money, come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price.
Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor
For that which does not satisfy?
Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food.
Incline your ear, and come to me;
Hear, that your soul may live;
And I will make with you an everlasting covenant,
My steadfast, sure love for David.
Seek the Lord while He may be found;
Call upon Him while He is near;
Let the wicked forsake His way,
And the unrighteous man his thoughts;
Let him return to the Lord,
That He may have compassion on him,
And to our God, for He will abundantly pardon.”
Isaiah 55:1-3, 6-7
Every day is uncertain. Come to Him today. He will abundantly pardon! If you have access to a Bible (there are many options online too) read the book of John tonight. My husband and myself would love to chat with you- with no judgment- just the Word of God and the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
One of our favorite singer/songwriter/authors is the very talented Andrew Peterson. Just a couple weeks ago he was asked to speak at his daughter’s graduation and shared an amazing speech. In it, he said this, referring to the very frequent reference to the “uncertain times” we’re living in:
“To say these times are uncertain implies that the time before was certain. Graduates, these times aren’t any less certain than a year ago or 100 or 1,000 years ago. The times have always been uncertain. We have no idea what’s coming in five minutes or five years…… The only certainty in these uncertain times is the resurrected Christ, our great High King, who works all things together for the good of those who love Him.”
My hope this same night 15 years ago was in the great High King, and in trusting by His grace, that He was working ALL these things, even the worst of circumstances for our good. And today, we can hold the same hope that He is reigning and He is good and He is somehow working all the things going on in our world and in our own lives for our good, preparing us for that better country.
As I reflect, I am reminded once again of the many, many amazing mercies and blessings of God to our family during those dark days. He surrounded us with friends and family and church family who prayed, brought food, donated money towards bills, visited, listened, cried, built a wheelchair ramp, went back to school (college) shopping, read eulogies when we were unable….and these are just a FEW. Each one of you showed your love in action and to this day, I am SO humbled and grateful.
Here is a photo from November, Thanksgiving Day, the day we were discharged from the hospital after having our precious 4th baby. I look at this picture and can't help but be overwhelmed by the goodness of God.
Lastly (probably never thought I’d get here, huh?), I asked if any of the family would like me to include a reflection.
This is from Jessica:
"Fifteen years is a long time. And fifteen years is a snap of your fingers. Today I reflect on the day of the
car accident fifteen years ago that changed my life and the lives of my family members forever. June 14,
2005 was definitely a time marker and defining date in my life. Yet life did not stop there, and life goes
on toward eternity. During that season, I would definitely say I faced some of the greatest trials and
heartbreaks of my life. Yet I have faced many trials since then and know that in this fallen world I will
face many more trials until the Lord calls me home. Even now, fifteen years later, there are days that I
feel the heart-wrenching grief so acutely of wishing I could laugh with my brother or share a
conversation with my mom about the joys and trials of motherhood or have a theological conversation
with my dad. And I still live with repercussions to my health every single day from injuries and scars
from the accident. But on this day, my heart overflows with thankfulness to remember that God spared my LIFE. Initially, paramedics didn’t think I would live. Doctors didn’t know how well my body would recover or if I would walk with my own legs again. They questioned my ability to safely bear children.
And now I look around at my extended family and my wonderful husband and how God has blessed me
with three (soon to be four) beautiful children, and my heart is overwhelmed at the kindness He has
shown. He has healed emotionally and physically and proven His faithfulness through these trials time
after time after time. He walked with me through the darkest valleys and showed sweet mercies and
kindnesses through those dark days. And I still often think about His faithfulness and ask myself, after
all God has done for me, how can I not live for Him? Will I not testify of Him to those around me? I said
that God spared my life in the accident. But when I was lying in the hospital bed fifteen years ago, I kept
quoting the passage in Colossians 3 to myself that contains the following: “For you have died and our life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed
with Him in glory.” Even now, especially since the accident, it is a constant reminder that Christ is my
life. We live and hope for the life to come. So it really doesn’t matter what circumstances we face here
or trials we endure. We all have trials. We all have scars of one kind or another. No one escapes them.
But for the Christian, Christ is our life. He defines us. So I press on each day with a living hope, mindful
that I may have a few more hours or fifty more years. But this I know: “Through many dangers, toils, and snares I have already come. ‘Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home.”
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And from Charity:
“Wow, it is hard to believe it has been fifteen years. God is faithful- and there is much comfort found knowing the difficulties of this life will never be stronger than the sufficiency of God’s love and faithfulness to bear us through them as we rely on Him. Pastor Mark Dever has said that “victory often looks like endurance.” As the prize throughout the race, Christ is the source of strength for endurance. We run the race for this One who is worthy, and it will be a blessing to one day join mom and dad and Joel in worshiping Jesus face to face when finishing this race. I am blessed and thankful for the saints and family He has blessed me with on this earth as I run alongside them while striving toward Christ until that day. “Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith.” Hebrews 12:1b-2a
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Josh, Emily & Family
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